Friday, March 21, 2003

WE EMIT, YOU DECIDE The spectacle of Ollie North "reporting" from Iraq for Fox News gives off a bad odor all its own. But he also stinks:

I'm wearing a flak jacket, underneath my flak jacket is my chemical protective equipment, of course underneath that is the Marine uniform that I have not changed for four or five days. Some of the Marines joke about the fact that it's great that we have to wear the biological and chemical equipment because the activated charcoal absorbs not only the possible biological or chemical weapons Saddam Hussein might use, it also absorbs the smell of our bodies.

Too bad it doesn't absorb the stench of lying before Congress.
THE BUSHISM TO END ALL BUSHISMS? British newspapers are reporting today that the whole French problem stemmed from the President ad-libbing a bit in his September speech to the United Nations:

Another senior British official said: "There was tremendous in-fighting in Washington. The drafts of the speech went back and forth. I think there were 28 versions before the final text was agreed.

"For us the key phrase was Bush's commitment to seeking a new UN resolution to disarm Iraq. We were only sure we had it 24 hours before the speech.

"For some reason this was left out of the text on the teleprompter as Bush was reading it, and he had to improvise.

"He managed to ad-lib a sentence saying 'we will work with the UN Security Council for the necessary resolutions'. But instead of saying 'resolution' he said 'resolutions' in the plural. That's how we got stuck with the French idea of two resolutions."

The further we get into this war, the more I think we're stuck in some lost episode of "That's My Bush." Next week: The President's wacky neighbors come for dinner!

Thursday, March 20, 2003

FREEDOM'S MUSTARD! The Bender Hammerling Group want you to know:


Up next: A press release from the porno product soon-to-be-known as "Freedom Ticklers." ("For all your deep penetration needs.")

THEY BANNED THE DIXIE CHICKS, TOO Some reporting on Clear "We Bring You Rush" Channel's "support the troops" rallies from the Chicago Tribune. Money shot:

Jane Kirtley, a professor of media ethics and law at the University of Minnesota, said the company's support of the Bush administration's policy toward Iraq makes it "hard to escape the concern that this may in part be motivated by issues that Clear Channel has before the FCC and Congress."

You don't say.

Good day!

Here are news bulletins from The Chronicle of Higher Education. . .

* PAINTING A TERRIFYING PICTURE of hundreds of thousands of
possible deaths, three researchers have called on the U.S.
government to enact aggressive policies to protect American
citizens from an airborne anthrax attack.

Good day, indeed.
SO MUCH FOR THE VAUNTED INVESTIGATIVE BRITISH PRESS A UK Tech paper reports (with apparent seriousness) that "Work emails are mostly personal." Comments one manager: "This is eye-opening stuff, and people are just shocked." Just shocked.

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

THEY RETRACT, YOU DECIDE Can't get enough of that Fox! "The numbers at the bottom of your screen, I must tell you, are wrong." (This is in reference to a specific number, I suppose, but the way it was phrased makes me think it all might cover all the numbers on the bottom of any screen, ever.)
MORE REASSURANCE FROM FOX NEWS "This, I am told, will be the last speech the President will give about the war. Despite the fact that this was not the beginning of the 'shock and awe' campaign you had spoken about earlier, this was the President's speech. We will not hear him address the nation again. . . the war will now unfold as the military planners see fit."
JUST SO YOU KNOW WHO'S IN CHARGE Fox News reports "the President obviously had to sign off on this." The Antic Husband notes, "That begs the question of who normally signs off on these things--the White House maitre'd?"
MORE HITS Brian Williams: "This just into us. . . no, this is off subject, sorry, wrong bulletin." (You know, Brian's not wearing a tie. That means we know he's serious.)
THE WAR'S GREATEST HITS. . . SOME THAT ARE, SOME THAT WILL BE Fox News presents "John Madden's War," with a map and an expert drawing computer lines representing Tomahawk missiles and graphical representations of ships and planes that are about the size of the country we're attacking. . . MSNBC's expert using some technical language, telling Brian Williams that so-called "bunker-busters" are "really big bombs". . . Brian Williams telling the viewing audience that "it's not all like 'Top Gun'". . . The Fox News crawl informing us that "Bush made decision after three hour meeting" (so he really thought about it!). . . Brian Williams reporting that the "opportunistic targets both appeared to be humans" (good thing they weren't the aliens Saddam is rumored to have). . .